Butt Massuese Needed

Ever since I started my job, which was about 3 months ago, I've never done much exercising. I leave home at 6.30am and I'm back by 9pm. By the time I come back, I'm too wasted to do anything healthy apart from eating and hitting the sack. The weekends ever since have been spent jamming with the band or attending weddings (that's a Ceylonese thing I guess). Once the weekend is done, it's back to work and the office isn't a great place to get fit, being in the company of chain smokers and big eaters.

Then finally last weekend, one of the few weekends I happen to be free (from work and jamming). Me and the boys of Pukitiang FC all suggested a game of futsal on Saturday evening. 3 months of getting fatter and sicker really made me look forward to the game.

So it was us Pukis (Adrian, Kirthi, Ram, Sam, Daniel and me) against Sathish's team comprising Sathish, his brother Suresh, Gurmit, Thina and Pravin. We had an extra player but none of minded it as it was just a friendly game.

Talking about being unfit, the first 10 minutes were painful. Shortness of breath and stiff calves are not good compatriots. And to make things worse, I had not clipped my toe nails for over 3 weeks and I was wearing a pair of shoes that was just fitting. The long nails made shooting nearly impossible and my decision of bending my toes to ease the pain caused by the nails resulted in blisters within half an hour. Ouch.

But after the painful 10 minutes, I was already used to the pace of the game. Being a born defender, that was the position I filled. Every now and then I'd go up and support but more often then not, we'd be caught off guard and if you were there you would have seen a fatty making a dash back to his goal every now and then. Good news is, I didn't hear of any tremors or quakes on the news after that. Phew!

We had a fair share of the ball and the goals as well. Although we had a man advantage, we fell short in teamwork and physical prowess. I was quite disappointed with my team because of that. Everyone wanted to show off, often resulting in everyone pushing forward, leaving our goal vulnerable even to the slightest attack from the opposition. We were punished a few times, in fact, many. Surprisingly, I was able to control my temper unlike previous times where episodes of screaming and swearing often took place in such situations. I was very annoyed at how, even having an extra player, we still conceded silly goals. And to insult us even further, each and every player on Satish's team were individually skillful and good, but they were a team anyhow. Try combining both of these attributes and you'll have your opponents just waiting for the final whistle in embarrassment. That's how they embarrassed us. Apart from that, even with a man down, they were physically bigger and stronger. Satish is 5'10, Gurmit is 6' and Suresh is 6'1". They are naturally skillful, powerful and rough at times. On the other hand, many of the Pukis are smaller and too afraid to challenge a ball from them. And no one besides me dared to challenge Suresh. He's a steamroller and his shots are always hard and fast. Many times I had to run back and and powershoulder him and block his shots. One of which was bullseyed straight to my foot which is giving my Archilles a problem now. And another pit bull charge from the other goal resulted in me twisting it while trying to push Sathish off balance. Got the ball anyway.

I quietly told everyone that if they're playing rough, it's only just for us to do the same. They kept arguing that it's only a friendly and it wasn't right to do so. What they don't understand is big people are naturally rough. Actually they aren't at ALL. They are so big that even how 'soft' they play, it's still rough on the others. The only way to counter that is by playing a little harsh as well. I on many occasions won the ball and made a few blocks on goal because of that. The rest were just twinning the opponent while the latter charged goalwards. They never learned and applied the art of the shoulder charge/barge.

And guys, there is a big hole on their tactics and I'm surprised how none of you saw it even after one and a half hours of playing. They always defend the wing, leaving the middle lightly guarded. I being the last man saw this so many times and seriously, it was easy penetrating it. But then again, we fell short on tactics. Whenever a player pushes forward from the back, an overlapping player has to fall back to maintain the balance. Haha! Knowing the poor dribbler I am, I kept losing the ball in front of Thina (their keeper) and when I turned back, none of us were there to guard our poor keeper.

Anyway, it was a fucking great game. Haven't sweat this much in over 3 months. We finally drew the game to save ourselves from any blushes. After the game, I was actually surprised at how I played. I expected to throw in the towel after half an hour, due to my fitness level, but miraculously, I pulled through till the final whistle.

Later that night, was our usual thanni session. All the Pukis with our bottles of Passport and beers, drinking away in front of some poor guy's house on a hill. What a good way to end a day. Although we felt the exhaustion from the game, we were still fresh, might have been the liquid motivation we had. Bottles finished, mamak, and straight to bed.

Then morning came. It was like a shove in the ass. Every limb was aching. My neck and shoulders were stiff and my legs were hurting a lot. The calves, thighs, hamstrings, right up to the ass. And my ankle was hurting so much, walking is hell for me now.

This is what you get when you're idle for 3 months and you try to be a hero and have a futsal game for 90 minutes. Anyhow, it feels good, the aches are slowly going away but it would need a whole week till it's all good. The ankle is my major worry now.